daishimel: (Toshiya)
[personal profile] daishimel
Title: The Excuse
Chapters: oneshot
Author: [livejournal.com profile] melinen aka [livejournal.com profile] daishimel
Genre: general/angst(?)
Disclaimer: The same old song aka no owning
Rating: G
Pairings: KaoruxToshiya
Synopsis: Kaoru is new to it, new to this all; that is his reason, the excuse he offers to Toshiya times and times again--
Comments: Written for my Christmas calendar, although horribly late. (Most of the calendar is late due to laptop problems I was having at that time, just FYI.) I felt like writing Kaoru and Toshiya for a change. Did I manage to do them justice? You tell me.


Kaoru is new to it, new to this all; that is his reason, the excuse he offers to Toshiya times and times again, after small touches, light kisses, or sometimes mere words, and he claims that he feels like everyone is watching, that they know more than he does and it unnerves him, that’s what he says and looks at Toshiya through longish dark hair covering his face, all the while maintaining that calm, collected composure of his.

And Toshiya, he nods, and he sighs, but he understands. His tone is soft when he says a few words, Kaoru doesn’t really listen to him (he feels guilty and he does not like that) but Toshiya doesn’t care, he knows Kaoru well enough to let little things like that slide.

They’re nothing more than actions, words, anyway; unvoiced or voiced it doesn’t really matter for they have moved past the point of relying only words to keep up the communication.

To keep up appearances.

Or pretence?

Kaoru claims he doesn’t know (although they both know that he is lying, or maybe not lying but ignoring certain realities, yes that is what he does), he turns his back again and returns to his guitar.

Toshiya, the smallest of frowns marring his forehead, looks at him and gets up, leaves the bed and his spot next to Kaoru and his guitar, and makes his way to the door. He reaches for the door knob, almost painfully aware that Kaoru would not look up even if he was to leave the room, and steals one last glance at the other, studies him closely (like he has done many times and would be doing many times to come) and is it jealousy he can feel towards the guitar laying so innocently on Kaoru’s lap?

It doesn’t take long though (it never does) and soon there’s a small smile on Toshiya’s lips. He wishes Kaoru a pleasant evening, opens the door and steps out of the room, to a corridor with plain walls painted white, a soft carpet under his feet and identical doors with slightly varying numbers placed above their identical handles.

He makes his way to his room (in between Kyo’s and Kaoru’s) and opens the door to darkness. He is patient, he can wait, he can smile and talk and try to coax Kaoru out of his shell, but he cannot wait forever and he wonders if Kaoru is ignoring that, too.

September 2016

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